Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
either way he was missing a nipple.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
