I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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