i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
