so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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