who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
