just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
