chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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