I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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