I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize