Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
