So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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