You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
