see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
