2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize