Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
