Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
