she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
