then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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