xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
