From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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