My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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