allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Is Oprah even human
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
