ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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