I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
