My liver just broke up with me...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
