Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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