What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
