I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
