I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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