that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
