ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We were destined to go to rehab together
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
