ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
