Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
