I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
