Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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