Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
