Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
