What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
