Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
