My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
