This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize