I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
