im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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