covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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