dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize