so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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