Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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