I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
