im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
