i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
