the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
