I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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