toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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