you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize