Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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