My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
