You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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