What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
