I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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