The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
