Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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