scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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