Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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