I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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