Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
