exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
