Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
